Creative Passion

Awakening is a blessing!  Awakening for me was unfamiliar and in hindsight see it as abrupt, having no clue that it was natural.  Now able to speak from my own experience it wasn't truth causing the pain and chaos, it was my illusion being shaken up and  for no reason.  Although, honestly, I kept searching for reasons and looking outwardly for explanations because that was all I knew to do.  Certainly, this brought no enhancement to my life.  I was reading spiritual books and accepting new ideas but I still lived defensively and I was still attacking my self habitually and ignorantly.  And I never understood that until I started accepting the forgiveness of God's plan, which for me was discoverable through ACIM.  

Long ago, starting to leave things behind slowly that I felt weren't in line with my new spiritual ideas.  Taking these in and in further inquiry alone,  to find comfort through my reading.  I gradually left all the medications I was taking, I left my job, I left my house of more than 20 years by selling in "quick sell" offer which included leaving my current husband because none of my decision could he, understandbly, "get".  Nor could anyone else I attempted to reach out to.   Gradually continuing to give everything away, by selling things to pawn shops, or just taking things to the dump because nothing seemed real anymore.  No one could help me understand what was happening, but, I believed in God. 

To a human consciousness, none of that may sound like enhancement.  However, after some meansure of healing, through the very real enhancement of forgiveness, more clar,ity is present.  Was it necessary to give everything away back then?  Was it necessary to leave my job, my husband, my home, my things?  What was necessary?   I can't say if any of  it was necessary, it was simply my stepping through a sort of cloud of unknowing.  Reading spiritual books and following in my fear of obscurity I never became non defensive nor understood how to be responsible for my thinking through my individual idea of practice in following of The Infinite Way.  I felt much love and comfort through much of the words I read but I was still very much struggling to have confident inner peace.  Making decisions in what I thought was helpful for me although radical to limited thinking.  I really struggled in new  ideas and expressions of The Infinite Way becasue they were so unfamiliar to me at the same time I felt something comforting too.  Today, I can see I had shifts in what I trusted or not trusted but I wasn't healing to recognize the Wholeness of my mind.    That has nothing to do with The Infinite Way but only me making my way!   Today I take some medications again, as I accepted form doesn't matter and it is not necessary for me to not trust my doctor or any other brother in my experience to heal myself.  The power of every decision is mine to make.

We all have our own experiences in accepting who we really are in Christ and we experience this shift in our consciousness.  Seeing now that the next step for me came timely in my blind need but also feeling there had to be more to help me and I met with ACIM as my resource to guide me in healing.  And I blended the two for a while (The Infinite Way & ACIM) but the more healing expansion that was happening within me, the more the need Not to concern myself with comparing anything between the two became apparent to me.  So today I feel like I am living A Course in Miracles Way each day but it is not the words I am living, it is my reliance on God leading me and not dependent on the outward appearances.  I don't feel like I have any mistrust against my brothers or sisters in any professional or unprofessional idea represented through organized associations.  For quite some time I was very confused like somehow our life was human beings against spiritual beings and now am no so grateful to have been relieved of those ideas.  God never puts us against each other and is working with each of us whereever we find ourself.  So I am thankful we can share to support eachother to stay awake and be truly helpful to one another in our individual demonstrations of healing.  Forgiveness continues to enhance my life knowing I am not against anyone or anything and that consistently as new ideas come we just move forward in the courtesy of Grace.  We are here to stay awake together to share in the ways given us each day to experience a life of freedom in our acceptance of forgiveness of ourself and each other.   Thank you for your continuous love and support.  God bless us each and every one.  Love always, Jeannine