Sharing Blossoms

I simply want God to show me how to live. Accepted ideas are individual so I include everything in as ideas within this planet of existence that we share under God's government of course!  My idea of real life rests in my reliance is being with One Source.   Reflecting about my experiences,  I recognize how I continuously construct or adapt myself, letting things come and go today more readily without judging or feeling a need to prove myself  but asking for vision for myself.   

L have been experiencing a very uncomfortable feeling in my chest area for a few months now.  I finally went to the Doctor about it too a few weeks ago.   He said he didn't think there was anything wrong with my heart.  I was telling myself all along my mind is at peace so my body is at peace.  But anyway, I was noticing it alot in my rest too.  And I realized this morning that my own denial and acceptance was trying to reach me to stop denying myself.  Myself telling myself:  You know truth isn't the problem ~ ever.   Relief was immediate in my recogntion.  And now its a new moment.  I don't have to end tomorrow today.  I know all is well.  This being a  timely example of what my way of being is like in my discovery of who I really am and in the natural sharing in life with my brother* ( *meaning, every relationship*).   Yes, things like this have happened before and it has involved me picking up my bed and walking, only to follow peace within myself as the reason.  It never has to do with personal ideas of wanting to achieve or other ideas of eminence or self preservation, or the need to conform myself  or deny/suppress myself  in thoughts of old,  etc...I  only want His way for myself.

God's design in my own pace of acceptance.  I do recognize the biggest shift of say  a real experience improvement within myself has been in  my continual  acceptance of wanting mind atonement as I use ACIM.  Denial is really just as intrusive for me as saying hearing truth or something I don't want to hear outside of truth.  Life isn't something I want to cope in, or be shut out by, but really just wanting my own peace of mind.  And I believe in the promise that life is love joy and peace in no opposite.  

I recall being curious toward the idea of spiritualness a very long time ago.  I wasn't really "churched" growing up but after I had my own son I felt it was good for both of us to join a neighborhood congregation.  Which I was very involved in and loved it so much too.  I became a trained Stephen Minister through a church program as an outreach and also served on the Session for several years.  At some point  I began reading musch of Henri Nouwen and Richard Rohr.     I also began meeting with a Spiritiaul Director for many many years.  Once a month was a date I could count on.  I would go and she would just listen to whatever I had to say.  Never giving advice, but we laughed and cried and lit a candle and prayed and she introduced me to different ideas, like lectio divino and  a contemplative style worship. sharing in something that felt very different from what I had ever done before.  And it was lovely until I expanded out of her, say comfortable consciousness.  Just to share a simple example of like an experience of feeling the intrusiveness between our minds.  I didn't want to end our meetings but it wasn't helpful anymore to hear advice I didn't want because it was limiting me and cautiioning me...when I wanted out of that, is how I felt, even though it was difficult to express too.   I had unpeeled some traumatic layers,  still doing my best to cope, and  my Director had moved away too and so we like simply went our separate ways but I was still in my automatic self protection mode, in an untrusting idea of my brother (every relationship) sort of lifestyle.  Not really too open but felt like I naturally wanted to be actually, and I talked and cried with God, within myself alot!

So in my onset of a spiritual life, it was just something different but not feeling much more about it than that.  I never realized there was anything called misperception until A Course In Miracles found me. This was after following Joel Goldsmiths ideas in The Infinite Way and feeling nothing else or no one else could help me.  My family helped in ways they felt they could of course.  But I ended up leaving everything I once knew and eventually being dropped off at a homeless shelter in my own real live time trauma of seeing how bad off "others" really have it.    And too trying to reconcile how God had anything to do with any of it.  Really just coping, very frightened and mostly unable to speak because it was extremely different living conditions and me like wondering how it ever happened at all and also sucking it up per say as it being my decisions to do this so it had to be ok.  I did move on eventually and the entire experience  had its own peaks and valleys.  Really has no value now but only share this as part of my stepping path to self discovery.  I have forgiven all the life experiences of misperception that I feel have come to surface asking my attention.  Forgiven myself and my brother. (every relation)   

ACIM, say finding me, as a next step led me into a new committment for myself and my experience now is one of much relief in my way of  being responsible for thinking and accepting God's plan for salvation.     God is always inspiring or giving me new ways to see things to express myself. I understand that misperception is just what it is until it is dissolved in the individual mind accepting it for themself.     Now, in an experience of  feeling much  gratitude for much relief  with a desire to share from the Givingness of God.  God shows me the way, otherwise I would not have a clue.   It's like the call just comes and I must trust it not to create any incapables for myself.   I am teaching myself in every action.   Grateful to know God is with me and you whereever we go 24/7.