Starlightz `n Silk

I can remember dreams like these.  It is another Miracle for me to see how ridiculous it is now that I ever considered any ideas like these as reality.  But yes, that's what I once believed in, in my split mind.   My denial of being of one whole mind as God created me kept me in a prodigal experience of myself.  It was never really possible but I believed myself to be separate from God and his creation.   

For me part of my split mind ideas were that I was responsible for everyone and everything outside of me.  Everyone needed me for something.  It seemed like there was always some quiet demand.  Even not being asked,  I felt some pressure or obligation to be available.   Seemed also not much  really worked out very smoothly back then.  I did manage to feel joy at times.  But I drank alot too to be honest.  And functioned.  My attitude was that I made the most of things!  

But too always seemed worried about something.  I see now how denial includes all the busyness with worries and concerns about the past and future.  As well as with all the mistrust in what I felt to be within everything and everyone outside of me in my day to day experiences.  And I was full of the cautionary tales for sure.    But I thought I could rely on myself.  How insane does all that sound to me now!  Wow!

And I was walking around in an awakened state too, lost in these same concerns for many years. I just didn't know there was something called being awakened.

The healing light and explanations within ACIM has gradually helped me see my falsity and denial.    I allowed myself to be more curious to what healing was and in that what was available for me in the undoing of my split mind.   I started to identify with awakening that had actually began much earlier for me.  And I began to see that it seemed somehow natural.   I really wanted to learn more about myself because I had been suffering for such a long time.

So I became deeply grateful to know that the universe is only supporting me within the thought of God and His establishment.  And my loyalty was to dedicate myself to healing by listening to my brother and to teach myself along the way with total support of the universe!  

Early on I had to admit I wasn't feeling like there was no cruelty in my brother and that he was innocent and sinless based on past experiences. I felt I had done much inner work with forgiving myself and amending prior to ACIM but I had to admit that I wasn't trusting my brother in an idea of oneness.  Even though I felt I was familiar with loving my neighbor as myself.  

I was working with myself to accept the new ideas.  I was digesting new and also releasing my old automatic suspicious thoughts.   It was so helpful to have the constant reminders in meetings that I can only attack myself and nothing I see means anything.   I wanted to become responsible for my thinking.  

So the forgiveness process shed all kinds of new light that beautifully set me free as I kept choosing again as much as I needed to in this process.  Earnestly wanting it and accepting it for myself.  The power of decision is my own.  My brother and I are sinless in the same way without exceptions is what is true.  And my thinking was not in that direction early on for me.  But Gods plan is perfect and it works when you want it, you allow it to work.   Admitting the many ideas were very hard to swallow because my human ear is so conditioned to denial.   

Sometimes I wanted to quit because I felt confused and would fall back into old suspicious ideas but I kept working with myself and prayerfully listening within, in meditation and to the ideas my brother was sharing in teaching and encouragement to release and trust and not to establish new ideas about myself.  I wanted a better experience of myself even though  I couldn't fathom what that really meant but I  noticed the healing improvements as I continue to practice.

This is a window of light into what some of my recognition of awakening was like for me to share with you.   As I read in ACIM I could identify how I was living a life in ideas or beliefs that I was separate from God and how it need only be my ernest decision and desire to change my mind about all of it.  Miracles happen.

A course in miracles is my own individual ongoing experience in God's Miracle plan for my discovery of the wholeness of myself in Christ Identity as God created me. 

All of my split mind beliefs become bygones somehow along with the earnest practice of this course.  " I only hold in my mind the thoughts I think with God!"

In gratitude for your love and support, always. Thank you so much!  Jeannine